Regaining Hope
by Rachxfacex94
Summary: Set after the Season 2 finale. Nobody seems to know where Clarke is three months after the fall of Mount Weather. Winter is on it's way. Where will she end up?
1. Chapter 1

It had been three months since the fall of Mount Weather. Camp Jaha began preparing for the coming winter. Snowfall would soon be upon them. Abby, Bellamy, and Kane had been giving out orders for organized hunts, building huts for people to stay during the winter, and most importantly search parties to find Clarke.

Bellamy anticipated Clarke to be gone for a week or two, but three months was unexpected. He along with Lincoln, Octavia, and others would search the land miles and miles each day. Abby, being Clarke's mother, was worried sick. She lost Clarke once and she would never think it could happen to her again. Finding Clarke was a priority. Not that they didn't trust the instincts and strength of their once leader and savior of the mountain, but it was their first winter. None of them knew what to expect and had no forewarning, considering the Grounders were long gone.

It seemed as if the longer they searched for the sky princess, the quicker the bite of crisp air nipped at their necks.

Where was Clarke?

XX

As for Lexa, she too was preparing for the soon to come winter.

Plans have changed for her. She intended to go to Polis after the fall of the mountain, but since the missile hit Ton-DC, her presence as well as her warriors was needed. The destroyed village could not strive without the help of many to rebuild their once thriving community. Therefore, they fell back. Lexa gave the same order as the sky people: hunt for the winter and rebuild.

Commanders in the past would never join in with rebuilding huts and going out to hunt for individual families, but she did. It's what made her such a likeable and respectable leader.

It's also what kept her mind off of Clarke.

Ever since she turned her back and left Clarke on top of the mountain, she has cursed herself and the decisions she's made. Going back she would have done nothing differently, which is why she said the decision was made with her HEAD and not her HEART.

But, because it hurt Clarke…it killed Lexa inside.

XX

On a brittle, chilled morning, Lexa was in her tent. Dressing herself and placing armor upon her body, Indra walked inside.

"Heda, I have prepared a group of warriors to set north to hunt. Do I have permission to leave?"

"Indra, please humor me by telling me why you insist on leaving without me every morning?" Lexa now strapping the dagger to her side and standing up straight to face her second.

"I apologize Commander, your efforts to help Ton-DC do not go unnoticed, but as your second, I must confess that you appear to be restless. Ever since the fall of the mou—"

Lexa erupted cutting her second off fast and eyes spread open wide, "Em pleni!" Indra took a step back and her head fell to the ground as the commander continued, "I asked you along with the other generals to not talk about that night! I value your opinion and I have realized you answered truthfully when I posed you the question, but I gave you a direct order. I advise you to not go against such simple commands. It would be in your favor to reinstruct to your fellow warriors the same."

Lexa fell quiet and took a couple long, deep breaths.

"Heda, I—" Lexa raised her hand to stop her.

"Indra, I understand you are concerned about my strength, energy, and decision making. But, I am fine."

Indra picked her head up to meet eyes with the commander, "Yes Heda."

Lexa feeling somewhat remorse for raising her voice and snapping at her second, then placed her hand on her shoulder, "Now let us fight and kill the largest bear we can find! Go ready the hunters!"

Indra left the tent swiftly and left Lexa alone to finish readying herself. It really left her alone to her own thoughts.

It was true however. Lexa had not slept much since Mount Weather.

The commander allowed her warriors to celebrate the victory for one night and then ordered everyone to never speak of the mountain, Skaikru, or Clarke. To her that was no victory. To her, it was a safe decision: A decision that would save many but truly destroy one. That one was Clarke. With that, Lexa believed she would never stop hating herself for.

So, she did everything in her power to not think about it and she kept herself busy. From dawn until dusk, the commander worked hard to rebuild Ton-DC. She made sure everyone was kept fed. She wanted no family to suffer, even though she was.

XX

The Commander and Indra, now split off into two different directions to cover more hunting ground, began setting up positions to stalk. Indra and her group climbed through the trees, whereas Lexa with her followers stayed toward the ground.

The sun was finally bright into the sky, but it didn't change the temperature they felt flowing through the air. Lexa knew on cold mornings they were more than likely to see a large animal, such as a bear, wondering the woods looking for food to consume before the winter.

It didn't take long before they heard the cracking of twigs beyond the trees in front of them. Indra, from the trees above, gave Lexa a hand motion to shoot. Lexa pulled back the string of her bow, waiting for the animal to step out between a clearing in the trees.

But, soon enough, she heard a whistle. It was Indra trying to grasp her attention. The commander knew she couldn't turn her attention away, for fear of the bear either getting away or attacking them at a vulnerable time.

Three more whistles followed and finally the bear picked its head up to see what was making the noise.

Although, it didn't see Indra hiding in the tree, it saw a blonde girl, trembling and stumbling her way through the forest.

The Commander saw this too and just mumbled in disbelief, "Clarke.."

The bear took off running towards the Sky Girl, for it was an opportunity for food. At the same moment Lexa sprinted in the same direction.

Clarke, depleted with exhaust and unaware what was happening, saw the bear charging her. Too drained and shattered to move, she stood there and gave up in defeat.

In one swift move, the Commander launched her body at the blonde, wrapping her arms around her, knocking them out of the way from the bear that just missed its' attack.

Lexa now shielding the blonde girl who is on the ground, yelled to her warriors to attack the bear. "Zog raun!"

She grabbed the dagger from her side and held it in defense mode. The bear, quicker and much larger than the tiny commander, swung its sharp paws at her. She dodged many attempts but took a blow of sharp claws into her shoulder and upper arm. She fell back on to her knees and yelped a small cry.

Grounders were known for showing little pain.

Just as she went to stand back up to defend not only herself but Clarke again, an arrow was shot into the back of the bear.

Then another one.

Quickly a third followed.

And finally, with enough time to spare, the Commander jumped onto the enormous animal's back, wrapped her arms around its bulky neck, and slits its throat with her dagger.

The bear crumbled to the ground, as well as the commander who fell over on her back, gripping at the wound bleeding from her shoulder.

Indra along with the rest of the tree crew came running to the Commander's side.

Indra began shouting in Trigedasleng to the others to help the commander and to find a healer.

Lexa, with help up from a young warrior was now on her feet, "Nonsense Indra, I am fine. We need to find her help."

Indra stared at her commander in dismay. The young leader was hunched over gripping at her wound staring at the now passed out Sky Girl. "Heda, you are injured and not making sense because of it. Please, ride back with one of our men and let them find you Nyko."

In that moment, a switch flipped in the Commander. She stood up straight as if she was never hurt. Her eyes glared at her second and her jaw tightened.

"Listen carefully! Indra is going to lead you all back to Ton-DC. You will drag the bear back and take care of its meat and fur pelt. Distribute it amongst the needy. I will take Clarke kom Skaikru to Nyko."

"Heda—" Lexa cut Indra off once again.

"I will discuss your actions and tone at a later time Indra. I will not embarrass you in front of your men as you have done to me."

Indra signaled her men to start skinning the bear and portioning it to carry.

Certain men helped Lexa onto her horse. Then they placed Clarke's fragile and lifeless, passed out body in front of the Commander.

As hard as it was to hold the blonde in her arms, it was the only way to keep the sky princess steady on the ride.

Within moments, the horse trotted off quickly. Lexa made sure they picked up speed. She was fearful of Clarke's health.


	2. Chapter 2

It did not take long for the women to reach Nyko's hut. The horse moved swiftly back to Ton-DC but Lexa wanted to go alone with Clarke because they weighed less. The horse was therefore able to carry them easily and make good time.

Lexa knocked on the hut with urgency.

Nyko opened the door, "Heda, what caused this?" He went to reach for her bleeding shoulder but she pulled back.

"It's not of importance at the moment. First I need you to help Clarke kom Skaikru."

He looked in confusion, "Pardon me Heda, but the alliance was ended when—"

She raised her hand to stop him.

She motioned for him to step outside to see the young unconscious healer who he became fond of himself. She was barely sitting up and leaned up against the wall of his hut.

With haste he scooped her up in his arms and carried her inside.

Lexa followed quickly behind.

XX

Two hours later, Nyko was finishing up patching the commander's wound.

Her eyes never left the unconscious Clarke as she lay on a bed of furs.

"Nyko, can you please tell me what is wrong with her?"

"From what I could tell, based off of clear signs as a healer, I would say it is only fatigue and exhaustion. Though, it is not something to take lightly. Even some of the strongest warriors can die of this, if they were to be foolish."

Lexa lowered her head and let out a deep sigh, "Will she be alright?"

Nyko shot another look of confusion but knew better not to question the Commander's intentions, "She will, but she is in need of rest. I also recommend bed rest for you. Your shoulder will hurt worse tomorrow."

Lexa nodded. "In time, but now I just need to be by Clake's side. She has nobody amongst us besides you and I." She fell quiet, "I trust your discretion with our conversation."

Nyko gave her a reassuring look, "You can trust me Heda."

When things fell quiet again Nyko wanted to give his Commander some time to herself, "I need to step out for a while. If you need anything let me know. You both can rest here as long as you need to. There is a chair right next to Clarke if you feel the need to sit."

Lexa wanted to show her gratitude. She stood up fully and placed a hand on his arm. "Thank you."

Nyko walked toward the door and turned around, "Before I leave, if Clarke happens to wake in my absence, you can slowly let her sip on water and eat a few nuts I have in the can on the table. She cannot drink or eat anything fast. She has not eaten in a while, and consuming water or food quickly will make her sick." With that he nodded at the commander and walked out.

XX

Lexa eventually made her way to Clarke's bedside. She pulled the chair closer so she could watch over the Sky Girl.

The blonde's breaths were heavy and deep. It was clear that sleep was pivotal. It left Lexa wondering what she has been doing.

The Commander said to herself_, "Where were you? How could you have allowed yourself to become so ill?"_

It saddened Lexa to know that Clarke didn't fight harder. She kept remembering the bear running towards Clarke and the blonde just giving up. She made no attempt to run or fight. She just stood there.

Everything Lexa tried to stay away from and not talk about for the last three months, was lying right next to her. She didn't know whether this was a curse or a gift.

She knew deep down, it was a gift. To see the blonde walk into her life one more time. She didn't care why or how it happened…it just did.

XX

Nyko opened the door to find a sleeping commander and a resting sky girl. When he shut the door behind him the commander jolted upright in her chair and pulled a dagger. When she realized who it was, she placed it back into the slot that held it close to her hip.

"Forgive me Heda, my intent was not to wake you."

"Nonsense, this is your home and you have been gracious to allow Clarke and myself to rest here. I need to return back to my quarters and talk to my generals. They are going to be wondering why the Sky Leader is back."

Nyko just stared and tried to sympathize with distraught look on his commander's face.

"However, I must ask more of you. Would it be too much of a burden if Clarke rested here a while longer? Only until she can be mobile on her own. This will give us time to build her a tent to stay in."

"It would be an honor Heda. Clarke is my friend. We share a common interest and I am in debt to her for all she has taught me."

Lexa walked toward the healer and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Thank you once again Nyko. I shall return later."

Lexa walked out the door and in the direction of her own tent. She knew Indra would be waiting for her.


	3. Chapter 3

Lexa approached her tent, still sore, but felt better after her nap at Nyko's hut. Standing outside at full attention, Indra was awaiting the commander's arrival. Words were going to be shared and Indra's facial expression knew what was coming.

"Inside. Now." The commander flew open the flaps and walked inside.

Indra followed in slowly and watched as the commander filled herself a glass of water and arranged herself.

"Indra, my second, I feel as if we need some clarifications between us." Lexa waited a moment and continued, "You say that I appear to be restless. You also spoke of me not thinking clearly because of a minor injury," She pointed to her shoulder, "Speak loud and true. Do you believe I am jeopardizing the lives of my people?"

Indra kept eye contact the entire time, "No Heda."

"Then explain yourself."

"You gave me a direct order to not talk about what I believe is to be the cause."

Lexa knew what Indra was speaking of. She swallowed hard, "You may speak of the mountain."

Indra nodded, "Heda, it's not that I have questioned your loyalty to your people, but I am worried. If the Commander of the twelve clans falls because of a tactic that saved many over some sky girl, what are we left to do?"

Lexa clenched her fist tight and tried to calm herself.

"I realize it is unlike for us to speak of such things, but it always seems like the Sky Girls clouds your better judgement for yourself. In order for the treaty of the twelve clans to be strong, we need the commander that's held it together thus far. Risking your life for someone of no importance is suicide." Lexa raised her hand.

"I've heard enough. First, I want to thank you for being so honest. Second, it's nice to know that you care for your commander's well-being, as a second should, but don't let it get you killed. Lastly, I am fine. But. If you ever say that Clarke kom Skaikru is of no importance, I will make your death look like a suicide."

Lexa took a step closer to her second. "I don't want to kill you Indra. I trust you. That's why I let you speak your mind. When it comes to Clarke, you do not harm her or allow anyone to no matter what. Even if my life is on the line, do not raise a finger to that girls head. Is that clear?"

"But Heda, my job is to protect you," Lexa gave her a stern look, "I understand."

"Good. Now before I dismiss you, please go procure a map so I can lay out a plan for our hunting parties tomorrow. I will rest and stay back at camp."

XX

Night had fallen upon Ton-DC. The temperature had also fallen, bringing most people inside their homes, and others sitting close to the fire pits that were built.

Clarke began to move back at Nyko's hut. When she opened her eyes for the first time, the candle light that flooded in caused her to make an unpleasant noise, grabbing the attention of her healer.

The large grounder quickly moved to the blonde's side, "Clarke kom Skaikru, please rest your eyes. You are not well."

Trying to collect herself and take in her surroundings, she looked shocked, "Ny-Nyko? Wh-What am I doing here?"

"You fell ill sky girl. Heda was quick to bring you here when she found you."

"What?" Clarke started to become worried and tried sitting up but failed.

"Please rest Clarke. The commander would want you to build your strength and I must advise it myself."

"The commander," Clarke sat back and covered her face with her hands. She rubbed her hands through her hair and just gazed at Nyko, "Am I in Ton-DC?

He nodded. "Ok but the commander was supposed to be in Polis. She told me that before she left me and my people to die." Clarke stated in a harsh tone.

Nyko turned around and began filling up a cup of water, "Believe it or not Sky Girl, but Lexa stayed back to help her people rebuild this place. We would not have been able to survive the winter without her help and planning." He turned around to hand her the glass, "Every morning she is out either rebuilding huts or hunting for our people."

"Ok but how did I get here?"

"From what she disclosed to me, she was out hunting a bear with a party of people. You somehow became prey and she saved you. You don't remember any of this?"

She shook her head no.

"You must have been truly exhausted then Clarke. Here have some berries and nuts that I've collected. Eat them slowly. It's only enough to get your body used to eating again."

She picked up the food in her hand, "I almost forgot what food was for a minute."

The blonde slowly placed berries and nuts into her mouth regaining her strength. She sipped slowly on water.

"Nyko, thank you for your hospitality and care. I truly appreciate it and I am forever in debt of you."

"You are quite wrong. I am in debt of you. I have saved many lives because of your teaching. I am grateful as well as my people."

"Well….anytime."

They shared a smile but a knock at the door interrupted them.

Nyko made his way to the door and opened it. Clarke pushed herself the best she could to sit up and see who it was. He had been standing there muttering to someone for a while.

The man then grabbed his coat, "Excuse me Clarke, but I have to step out for a moment."

Clarke understood and laid herself back on to the bed made of furs. She took in a deep breath and then she heard a familiar voice,

"Hello Clarke."

Clarke picked her head up to meet Lexa's eyes. She didn't reply. She couldn't think of anything to say. The blonde only felt a mix of emotions boiling inside of her.

"I didn't think you would be awake. You were not well before," Lexa began fidgeting with her hands and lent against the table across from Clarke. "I'm glad you are well enough to have a conversation with Nyko though."

Clarke still had nothing to say to the brunette. She thought to herself, _"What is there to say to someone who supposedly cared for me and then left me?"_

The room was quiet.

Lexa began to tell Clarke of how she found the wandering and disoriented woman unknowingly walking into a bear's territory. "You must have passed out after I blocked its first attack."

Clarke then fell curious, "Is that what happened to your arm?"

Lexa looked down at her wrapped up shoulder, "Yes but it's a minor injury. It will heal."

Clarke rolled her eyes, "I guess the Commander isn't perfect."

Lexa furrowed her brow and tilted her head at Clarke, "No. Not in the slightest bit, but I try to do my best. Clarke, if I somehow just offended you-"

The blonde scoffed and somehow pulled herself up into a sitting position, struggling and groaning with every movement.

Lexa ran to her side. "Stop!" Lexa halted abruptly. Lexa wanted to do nothing more than wrap her arm around the blonde fragile girl.

"Please don't come near me."

"Clarke…" Lexa whispered.

The blonde knew that nobody other than her talked like this to the Commander of the twelve clans.

"What do you want? Why are you here?"

Lexa felt crushed when she heard those words. She tried to find words, "I told Nyko I would come to check on you, but he was also needed elsewhere."

"No Lexa…why are you here? What are you getting out of this?"

Lexa stood up shocked. She knew Clarke would be mad at her but, she was not prepared for this. "What am I getting out of this? Clarke, the only thing I am getting out of this is ease. Ease with the fact that you are okay."

"You didn't care if I was okay when you left my people and I up on that mountain did you? If you cared you would have stayed and fought."

Lexa turned around gripping onto the edge of the table. She fought the words out, "I made that decision with my head—"

"Yeah I know Lexa and not with your heart. I heard that in my head the last three months. As I wandered throughout the woods searching for some type of closure, that is all that sung throughout my head. Over and over!"

"Closure?" Lexa turned back around crossing her arms.

"Oh don't give yourself a big head! It wasn't just you! Do you know what I had to do to get my people out? I had to kill every last person in the mountain. From the elderly…all the way down to innocent children and infants who had no say in their parents' decisions! I am sick to my stomach about what I did," Clarke was fighting for breath and her rage was spiking. She tried to stand, "Why did you—"

Clarke felt faint and fell back onto the bed. Lexa moved towards her and grabbed her arms.

The blonde slowly peered down to find Lexa's hands wrapped around her wrists. Clarke pulled away. "Leave."

Lexa looked down as Clarke looked up. They met eyes. Each of their eyes screamed something different.

Clarke's screamed 'why' as Lexa's screamed 'I'm sorry.'

"Lexa, I am grateful that you saved my life, but you hurt me. I don't want to see you. Please leave."

The Commander felt like she had a sword driven through her chest. 'You hurt me.' That's all it took.

She wasn't prepared to actually hear those words out loud.

And just as caring and worried as she was, Lexa stood up and placed the cold-hearted commander mask upon her face. She walked out without saying anything else.

Clarke sat there in bewilderment.


	4. Chapter 4

Clarke slept through most of the night. Throughout that morning Nyko replenished her with foods that would give her energy. He helped her regain her balance by walking her around the hut. If there was anything the blonde wanted – it was fresh air!

Noon was shown perfectly above Ton-DC. The sun stood directly above the community. As bright as the sun was, it was still cold.

Clarke was sitting on a log near a small fire. Everybody was walking by staring at the blonde.

She heard whispers but could not make out their language. A crowd soon formed a large circle around the sky girl who was struggling to stand up to get back to the hut.

The last the grounders heard, Clarke of the Sky People took down the mountain, but were no longer allies.

Indra informed Lexa of what was happening and the commander came running.

Lexa stopped at the sight and yelled, "Em pleni!" The crowd split and turned to look at their heda. "There is nothing to see. Clarke kom Skaikru is a guest amongst us. Do not mock her presence or treat her foul. Remember who she once risked her life for. Go about your day!"

The crowd dispersed and tended to their every day jobs. Clarke was still struggling to rise from the log she was sitting on.

Lexa turned to go back to her tent when Indra said, "Heda, she can't get up. She appears weak."

The commander turned back around in effort to help the blonde, but was relieved to see Nyko run to her side.

The brunette smirked for a moment and looked to Indra. Her second gave her a questioning look, "What?"

Lexa turned around and left, Indra followed her, "Commander?"

"It amuses me Indra. It's almost as though you felt something for the sky girl."

The second stopped in her tracks, questioning her own motives. She shook her head.

XX

Clarke was outside with Nyko, sharpening knives and talking medical when Indra appeared in front of them.

"Nyko" Indra said as they bowed heads to one another. She picked her head up and said in a sharp tone, "Clark…I've come to inform you that the Commander plans on sending messengers to your camp to inform them that you are safe. She will request that they come and take you home so you can heal better with their equipment."

"What?" Clarke now struggled to stand up and Nyko helped her to her feet. "Indra she can't let them know I'm here!"

"That is the Commander's orders."

"No Indra this can't happen! Take me to the Commander now!"

"I don't take orders from skaikru!"

Nyko barged in, "Clarke, you can barely walk twenty feet alone."

The blonde insisted, "Indra take me to the Commander now!"

"I will not. She is busy!" Indra stood strong and ignored the blonde's demands.

Clarke decided to take herself. Nyko escorted her to the commander's tent in fear of the blonde falling over. Without announcing herself, Clarke just barged right through the tent opening. Nyko stayed outside.

Lexa was sitting on the edge of her bed while another healer was checking the wound on her shoulder. When Clarke saw it she was taken back at how deep and large the wound was. She was never able to tell while it was covered up.

The brunette looked up to see Clarke standing before her. She had to admit, the sky girl looked a lot better since she had been resting. Clarke however wished she could think the same about Lexa.

The healer automatically excused herself and left the women alone.

The commander picked up a cloth and continued to clean around her wound before she bandaged it once again. "And to what do I owe your presence Clarke?"

"Save it Lexa. Indra came to inform me that you are sending messengers to my people?"

"Well yes, I think it would be better if you stayed amongst your people to heal. They have far more advanced equipment than Nyko. It would be to your advantage." Lexa winced as she grazed a tender part of her wound.

"Do you want me to leave Lexa? Is that why you are doing this? Or maybe you want to punish me even more! I didn't ask to come here."

Lexa was trying hard not to give her the compassion she showed her the night before. She fought fiercely to keep her commander mask on. "Clarke, don't be rash. You know you are welcomed here. Otherwise I wouldn't have made an effort this afternoon to take you off of display as my people gathered around you. I just thought you would feel more comfortable amongst your people. Also you would have a better opportunity to heal."

Clarke shook her head, "Did you not hear anything I said to you last night Lexa? I can't face my people for what I have done and now you want to send me to face them again. I can't bare to see their faces, knowing what I did!"

Lexa attempted to wrap up her arm and continue talking, "We bare it so they don't have to. It's what us leaders must accept and deal with." The bandage wrap unraveled and was not cooperating with her.

"No, I will not accept the fact that I have murdered hundreds of innocent people!"

Lexa now frustrated with her bandages and Clarke, she tightened her fist and slammed it into the side of her bed, "Then it will lead to your demise!" By doing this, she ripped open the stitches that Nyko carefully placed along her shoulder. She bound up her hand to create a fist once again and scrunched her face to hide the pain. The room fell quiet. The only thing either of them could hear was the heavy quick breathes coming out of the commander's mouth.

It was now Clarke who whispered and stepped forward, "Lexa.." She was taken back by the volume of the brunette's voice.

The Commander stood up, "No Clarke! I will not stand by and watch you die. You have fought too hard to get here! You are not the woman I once knew! Clarke kom Skaikru who I met was a fighter. She wasn't intimidated by the Commander of the Twelve Clans, she fought and stood bravely against a pauna, she led her people even if that meant defying orders her mother requested, she fought against the mountain and won – even when her ally left her with nobody but herself! But when I saw you stumbling through the woods the other morning, you didn't even flinch when the bear charged you. You stood there and accepted your death. The Clarke who I, dare I say it, fell for would valiantly fight. I don't know if it was the exhaust you were battling or if that was you just giving up. I will not stand by and let such a powerful leader as yourself lie down and accept defeat. If you won't fight for yourself, then I'll do it for you!"

Clarke stood there contemplating and trying to accept everything Lexa had said.

The commander continued, "I know you don't want to accept the decisions a leader has to make, but what holds you back from moving on?"

Clarke's eyes filled up. "I'm afraid…"

Lexa quietly spoke, "Of what?"

"Of you….becoming you…." Lexa sat back on her bed holding her wound. She didn't know what to feel. She too felt scared. What had she become? She just looked up at Clarke who had a tear coming down her face.

"I don't want to have to make decisions with my head. I want to make decisions with my heart. I want to feel and love and have passion towards my motives. I want to know in my heart that whatever choice I make…it's going to be the right choice." She wiped away the tear.

Lexa kept her head to the floor and asked, "Are you scared of me Clarke?"

"Truthfully? Yes." Clarke knew it was hard for Lexa to accept, but she had asked.

Lexa furrowed her brow, but was willing to listen, "Why?"

"Can I ask you a question that might answer yours?"

Lexa nodded.

"How is it that you were able to leave me and my people after you told me you cared for me before the war? You kissed me Lexa."

Lexa sighed, "So that's what frightens you. My trust and my word." The brunette took her hand off her wound and just stared at the blood that stained her hand.

It was the first time the two had a civilized conversation since the night of the mountain. Clarke was confused more than angry. She was still upset but deep down she didn't want to argue with Lexa. If it didn't hurt Clarke so bad, she knew she would be entangled in the Commander's limbs. Clarke needed closure. Lexa would be this for her.

The sky girl grabbed medical supplies off the table that were left from the previous healer and she knelt in front of Lexa.

The commander lifted her head and looked at Clarke with confusion herself. She knew she didn't deserve the sky girl's kindness.

"Please rise Clarke, this is not your duty. You have done enough for my people and I."

Clarke refused to listen and started to clot the bleeding area. "Stop being stubborn. This is what I do."

Both girls felt the tension between their close proximity. As much as it hurt Clarke to touch Lexa's skin, she wanted to place her hands all over the woman's olive skin. And as much as discomfort Lexa was in from Clarke's restitching of the wound, she enjoyed to feel the soft touch of her finger tips.

They sat quietly until Clarke was done and began wrapping the wound.

Lexa decided to take a leap of faith and she grabbed the wrist of Clarke's slowly that was tending to her shoulder. "Thank you."

Clarke didn't pull away this time. She nodded.

"You should know that you no longer have to fear me. And….I am profoundly sorry that I frighten you."

She let go of the blonde's wrist.

"I want my people to fear and respect my wrath, but not you. Anyone but you. Sadly, I allowed you to become all too familiar with it. For that I apologize. Yes that might have been the decision of my head, but know that would have not been the decision of my heart."

More tears began to fill Clarke's blue eyes. She stood up slowly and leaned against the table hiding her face.

Taking deep breaths to calm her tears, "I understand that. I fear you and the decision you made because I had to do it myself…I just need time Lexa. I want to live and fight, I just need to be reminded what to fight for."

It was then when the two heard Indra, "Heda may I enter?"

The commander shared a glance with Clarke, stood up, and said, "Yes."

This was progress. Lexa finally had the smallest bit of hope for the two to have some sort of peace.

"Heda," Indra proceeded, "the builders need you to confirm the size of the school building you suggested to create."

Clarke was taken back by surprise. _"Lexa…suggesting a school?!_"

"Assure the builders I will be there Indra. Is there anything else?"

"Yes, Nyko told me Sky girl should be resting soon."

Lexa nodded, "Then she will rest. Indra you will take her back to Nyko and manage to get her there in one piece." Indra shot her a look of torture but didn't question her leader.

Clarke turned to walk towards the exit of the tent but stumbled. Indra was there and reached out to catch the sky girl. They both gave a look of shock at each other which made the commander chuckle.

Once Lexa saw that Clarke was clearly in good hands she asked, "Clarke, would you mind meeting with me at a later time tonight? There is something I would like to show you, but only if you feel capable."

Clarke replied, "If I feel up to it. Where should I meet you?"

"The fire pit outside of Nyko's hut. I won't make you walk far."

Clarke nodded and leaned on Indra. The two disappeared from the tent.


	5. Chapter 5

It was another night for Clarke in Ton-DC. She spent the rest of her evening eating dinner with Nyko. Clarke was getting used to how early the darkness fell across the land. She missed the summer months for what felt like everlasting sunlight.

Clarke was able to regain some energy and found time to take a bath. The water was warm compared to the freezing baths she took the last three months in nearby rivers. Her enjoyment was short lived when she remembered that she would be meeting Lexa shortly.

XX

Clarke stepped outside to see a kneeling commander in front of the fire pit. Clarke still at loss of strength and energy spoke, "Hey"

Lexa stood up to find the blonde leaning against the hut. "Clarke." She slowly walked over almost asking for permission to help her walk closer to the fire. She grabbed on to Lexa's arm for balance. The two sat near the fire.

The brunette explained, "Indra will be here shortly. She is preparing horses for our small travel. Evidently you are still drained of your travels and weak."

Clarke sighed, "Oh Lexa, I'm sorry but I barely made it out the door. I don't think I will have the energy for an adventure."

Lexa pondered and her lip formed into a smirk, "An adventure? I haven't been on one of those since before I became commander."

"Where are we going?"

"A place where I find peace when all hope is lost."

Clarke tilted her head in question but Indra arrived shortly after.

Lexa helped Clarke to her feet and walked them over to the horses.

"Indra if you would assist Clarke." Lexa, even with an injured arm, climbed onto her horse with no problem. She waited to see the weak Sky Girl crawl on top of her horse. Indra pushed and supported her until her leg wrapped around the steed. The horse's reigns that Clarke was on, were given to Lexa to steer. They began to move.

XX

It only took fifteen minutes before Lexa brought the horses to a stop. She jumped down from the saddle and walked over to help Clarke down. It was only these two. There was already a fire and blankets laid down

"I had Indra come here earlier and prepare a fire and lay blankets down to sit."

Clarke glanced to Lexa, "Why are we near the edge of a cliff?"

Clarke posed a very good question. They did ride horses fifteen minutes up a hill to a cliff with a fire and blankets. Clarke thought, "_She's either going to throw me off of this thing or try to seduce me by the fire."_

Lexa chuckled a little, "Don't worry Clarke, it's something you would never imagine."

As they passed the fire and neared the edge of the cliff, Clarke tightened her grip on Lexa's arm. Lexa felt the tightening hands around her arm and gave the sky girl a look of reassurance, "Clarke, I know it's hard to ask of me, but trust me. You're safe."

When the blonde got a full view of what lied below the cliff, her jaw dropped and eyes widened. There was a field of blue, glowing butterflies. They seemed to light up the entire sky. She figured the only thing that could have caused such effect was radiation from the war, but she didn't want to over think it. She was in awe of the beauty that lay before them.

Lexa sat them both down. "I found this place years ago. You can only see them glowing blue light during the night time. They are peaceful aren't they?"

Clarke smiled for the first time in a while, "Octavia used to see these around our first drop ship. They are beautiful."

Lexa nodded, "I'm glad you think so. I give you permission to come here anytime you want. Even though this field sits on my land, no matter what happens in the future, you will always have the authority to come here without question. Nobody should be denied this sight, no matter what clan they are from."

Clarke just stared in amazement into the field, "Thank you Lexa. They come and gather here every night?"

"From what I could tell, yes. They have always been here. I come here often when I feel like the world cannot get any darker than it is. When I finally arrive and see this place, I know that this field will always be lit, regardless of how dark the skies may fall. There will always be hope somewhere in a world of despair."

Lexa held her head proud.

Clarke now remembered who she was sitting with. Her situation came flooding back into her mind. "Is this why you brought me here?"

"I brought you here to show you that there is even hope for the darkest souls."

Clarke hesitated before she spoke and then said, "Souls like you?"

Lexa met her eyes and looked troubled, "If that's what you see me as."

"I think you aren't completely heartless Lexa. I think there is hope buried in there somewhere."

"There is hope in your position as well. Let this be your motivation to fight. Let this ignite the fire to try."

Clarke said jokingly, "So you want a field of glowing blue butterflies to be cause enough to fight?"

"Yes and no."

Clarke's eyes opened wide asking for more.

"I want this to give you hope and strength. As I said let this ignite your passion."

"But Lexa…I don't even know what to fight for anymore." She said sadly.

Lexa turned her body to face her, and pointed towards Clarke's heart. "That Clarke. That is what you fight for."

Clarke just stared into Lexa's eyes.

"Your heart is what makes you…you. Your heart will lead you to the right decisions you want to make, it will protect the ones you care deeply for, and you will never second guess your choices. Your heart is always pure and true. Just be careful when using it."

Lexa turned back around and faced the glowing blue field. She could tell that Clarke was still glaring at her.

"So, Clarke…what were you doing wandering through the woods the day I found you?"

Clarke lifted her hands, "I have no idea. I don't remember much of that day. Nyko said I could have been starving and exhausted to the point of hallucination and memory loss. I remember waking up and thinking… 'This is it, if I don't find some food or shelter, I'm dead.'"

"Is this after you left your people?"

"Yeah, I've been gone for three months. I was doing fine on my own. I was able to find food and water easily until the weather drastically changed….Without realizing my surroundings, every tree and path looked the same. I became lost and delirious. Now I'm sitting with you."

Lexa gave her a moment, "What matters is that you are safe."

Clarke nudged her, "Yeah I never thanked you for saving my life from that bear."

"It's not asked of you. You were ill and I was there. I will be there as long as you allow me to be….if you can trust me to be." The commander appeared to be in deep thought.

"Lexa, I am trying. I am going to have to realize that we bare the same weight with leading our people, but it scares me."

They sat there in silence for a moment, sinking deep in their thoughts.

Lexa spoke "I'm going to give you some time to yourself. That's another reason why I brought you here." She motioned to move.

"No," Clarke said quickly. She didn't want to be alone. Lexa was her closure and no matter how hard she tried to deny the feelings she felt for commander…they demanded to be recognized.

Clarke placed her hand on Lexa's hand, "I've been alone for three months, so stay. After all this is your secret hide out."

"Clarke kom Skaikru, you make it seem as if I have time to go on adventures and sneak away to hidden crevices and cracks in the earth." She joked playfully.

The blonde chuckled, "Lexa, you are the commander…you can do what you want."

With a large sigh, "Not exactly. Not when your second in command has been questioning your every decision."

Clarke frowned, "It's because you saved me?"

"Apparently it started when I left you at the mountain. I never gave it much thought." Lexa didn't want to talk about the last three months without Clarke. So she tightened her jaw, shook her head and proceeded, "But I think my second in command has become fond of you." Now laughing a little to herself.

"I agree with you but then again at the same time I feel like she would love to rip me to shreds."

"You're not wrong. She would love to, but she knows that's out of question." Lexa let her mind lead her elsewhere. She turned to Clarke, "Is there anything you wish to know of me?"

Clarke played with her nervous hands and thought about it. "There is so much I would like to know, but in time I suppose. At the moment though, I'd like to know about this school you plan on building."

Lexa nodded, "Yes the school…" She folded her hands, "I'm going to give it a trial run in Ton-DC. If it works out for the better, I will see that others of its kind are built in villages across the twelve clans."

"That's wonderful Lexa." Clarke was really in awe of the brunette's decision. They sat there for a while longer speaking of the hopes and plans for the school.

The temperature continued to drop and the fire that was behind them was no longer able to keep them warm. They decided to call it a night.

XX

Lexa steered both horses to a tent that Clarke has never been to before.

The Commander hopped off her horse and helped the blonde down once again, "I had a tent made up for you and there's a fire pit built inside. There are fresh clothes as well as a bed with the warmest furs. You should have a place of your own. Do you need help inside or will you suffice?"

Clarke observed the large tent from the outside and turned to give a small smirk at the commander, "As much as Nyko enjoyed my company," saying sarcastically, "I think he will enjoy this more." The two girls giggled in agreement, "Thank you. I will be fine. It's only a few feet, so I can manage."

The two girls caught each other's glare.

Clarke was unsure of what more to say or do.

On the other hand the commander was mesmerized by the color of blue she found buried in Clarke's eyes. She didn't know if it was the moonlight but they hypnotized her. She felt transfixed. Lexa no longer needed the field of butterflies because she found that same hope when she looked at Clarke.

Lexa became aware of just how long she was standing there absorbed into Clarke's gaze. She stepped back and shook her head.

"I must go and get rest myself." She grabbed the reigns of the horses.

Clarke put her hand out to grab the commander. She let her finger tips lightly tough the forearm as the brunette turned around to leave. Clarke became wary and jolted back her hand quickly.

Lexa turned around, "Did you need something Clarke?"

At loss for words Clarke began fumbling, "Uh—Uh yea.." She was now running her hand though her hair.

Lexa raised an eyebrow.

"I was just wondering when I would see you again. I think we cleared up a lot, but talking with you helped ease my mind a lot. Plus….I don't think I've ever seen you open up so much."

She saw as the woman in front of her closed up. It was like a stone wall dropped in front of her face.

Clarke cursed herself for mentioning how well Lexa communicated deeply.

The commander swallowed hard, "I will be busy in the coming days. I have to take a trip to a nearby village for a supply trade for Ton-DC. Perhaps when I return home we can," Lexa searched for words, "….clear some more up?"

They nodded and finally the brunette left, "Good night Clarke."

She turned and disappeared down the dark path to the stables to return the horses.


	6. Chapter 6

A week had passed since that night.

This left Clarke with time to rest and rehabilitate her body. Now, the girl was able to walk around without needing anyone to lean on. She had kept busy over the last couple days working closely with Nyko. She healed many people that came to them. It was Clarke's own way of giving back to the community that allowed her to stay amongst them.

Clarke was cleaning a gash on a warrior's head when she saw a troop come walking through camp.

He mumbled something in Trigedasleng that Clarke couldn't make out.

"What was that?"

The man looked to Clarke, "The commander and her troop have finally returned. We were worried and for good reason."

Clarke stopped cleaning and looked up anxious, "Worried?"

"Sky girl knows nothing?" He questioned and mocked her.

She pressed hard into the gash on his head until he winced and yelped a little.

She smirked, "Why were you worried again?"

He rolled his eyes and let out a breath, "Because the people they were trading with were said to be possible traitors against the alliance of twelve clans and might act against the commander. We have not made a trade with them over many, many moons. However, they claimed to be deprived and desperate of supplies."

When they caught a better sight of the men walking in line, Clarke knew she would be busy for a better part of the night. Most were stumbling through and had clear injuries and wounds. The ones that were unharmed carried the dead and suffering on stretchers.

The commander held her head up and walked valiantly behind them.

Nevertheless, if it weren't for Clarke's medical and healing skills, she would have never noticed that Lexa too was injured. Somewhere she must have been hurt because Clarke noticed the tiny shuddering of the commander's eyes every time she stepped on her right leg.

Indra, amongst many other generals came to their heda's side and followed her into the war tent.

Nyko called to Clarke, "Sky girl, we have work to do. Finish up." And she did with haste.

XX

Clarke and Nyko worked through most of the day.

They both stitched deep open wounds, set bones back into place, and performed minor surgeries on those who needed it.

She listened to the warriors speak of an ambush and their commander taking charge and saving them. During some of their procedures, she heard the men pray to those they lost days before and on their journey home.

A knock at the entrance came and it was a general of Lexa's. He went by the name of Abner. Clarke remembered talking war plans with him before Mount Weather. He looked intimidating and had these dark mysterious eyes that towered over people like spotlights. She also remembered the respect he showed her. He looked beyond their differences as two diverse clans. Clarke hoped he still believed that since their alliance was no longer.

"Clarke kom Skaikru, Heda requests your presence in her tent."

Nyko ran over to continue the work she was doing on an injured warrior.

"Thank you Abner. Let me wash up and I'll be their shortly."

He bowed his head and left.

XX

Clarke slowly made her way to the commander's tent. She was trying to collect her thoughts and compose herself. She didn't know what to say to Lexa but she knew she was excited to see her.

She entered the tent.

Lexa was still dressed in her battle outfit with her armor draped around her tightly and war paint marking her face. She seemed busy looking at a map and tracing lines and placing marks on the paper.

Clarke cleared her throat, "You wanted to see me?"

Lexa stopped what she was doing and turned around. "Clarke, I did not hear you come in. I hear you are feeling better?"

Clarke thankfully, "Yes I am. I'm feeling 100 percent!" She smiled.

Lexa showed no emotion and just nodded her head. Clarke disregarded the little action and watched as Lexa bunched her fist tightly and walked toward her throne-like chair and sat down. Clarke figured she must be clenching her hand due to the pain.

"I trust that you and Nyko have been working closely together trying to save our warriors?"

"Yes. We have been working since you arrived back earlier today and so—"

Lexa cut her off, "That's great to hear, but I need to know if any of the men that survived the journey have any life threatening injuries. I can't afford to lose anymore warriors."

Clarke just let her mouth stay open. The blonde was taken back by Lexa's interjection. "Uhh, no." She ran her fingers through her head and crossed her arms, "The ones that survived the trip back will eventually heal. They will need some time."

Lexa sat and nodded once again and looked as if she was contemplating and then finally, "We certainly have no time to waste, but we will have to make most of what we have for the coming winter. Everyone will have to just work harder and exceed their potential. I can't afford to lose anybody due to the lack of food or incredulously low temperatures that are to come. We have much to rebuild by spring."

The commander attempted to stand up quickly so Clarke wouldn't notice something was wrong. If it were anybody other than Clarke she would have seemed believable, but the blonde was no fool. She saw the pain that lingered in the brunette's eyes.

Lexa crossed her hands, "Well Clarke, I will let you return to Nyko. Please take care of my men."

Clarke pivoted her foot back to leave but stopped herself. "Are you sure that's all you need Lexa?"

Lexa kept a straight, plain face.

"Is there anything I can do for your leg?"

The commander tightened her jaw and covered her leg with the cloth that draped from her coat. "My leg is fine Clarke."

Clarke didn't buy it. She took a step forward insisting, "Well maybe I should just look at it."

Lexa took one step back, clasping her fingers tight, and huffed, "I said its fine Clarke."

Clarke continued to walk toward Lexa and pick up the pace. The commander acted as though nothing was wrong but became increasingly aggravated through the pain she was fighting to hide while stepping backwards.

She raised her voice, "Pleni!" Lexa now had her eyes squinting together tightly and breathing loudly.

It was now Clarke who tightened her jaw and looked disappointed.

When Lexa opened her eyes she saw Clarke storming out of the tent.

The commander limped over to the table where her map was and sighed. She felt bad she ignored the sky girl's offer, but she didn't want Clarke to tend to her like some weak and feeble creature.

Lexa also realized she probably could have been politer with the blonde. She wasn't used to someone caring. She slammed her hand against the table in frustration with herself.

XX

Clarke stormed her way back into the tents that held the injured warriors.

Flushed and shaking her head, Nyko walked over in bewilderment. "Is there anything I can do sky girl? You appear as if something is bothering you."

Clarke snapped, "Wow are all of you grounders this observant and pedantic?"

He raised his hands in defeat.

She sighed, "Oh Nyko…I'm sorry. It's not you. It's your commander. She drives me insane."

Nyko strolled near a bottle that was placed on the shelf. He chuckled and raised the liquid towards the blonde, "This could most certainly take the edge off of demanding and impervious commanders."

She laughed quietly and smiled. This was a medical concoction similar to morphine, just not as heavy and effective. It would definitely take any worry or pain from a person. Many say it makes you feel like you are flying.

She lowered the bottle, "I just wish she wasn't so impossible and stubborn."

Nyko smirked, "Speaks the girl who decided to venture off into the woods for three months unaware of her surroundings."

She too couldn't help but smile and except the truth of his statement.

Finally, something gave way into her mind. She looked more determined than ever. Perhaps she was fed up or maybe she needed to go out on a whim.

She looked at Nyko and held the bottle, "I'm going to need to borrow this."

Clarke then left the tent.

XX

Lexa was still standing over the maps on her table when she heard Indra arguing with somebody outside her tent.

She turned around to see Clarke bursting through the seam of the entrance. Indra chased in behind her and grabbed her arm. Clarke pulled back against the second's grasp.

Lexa raised her hand, "Indra what seems to be the problem?"

"Heda! Clarke kom Skaikru insisted that she enter without the request of you."

Clarke and Indra were glaring at one another.

"Em pleni! Indra, return to your post." Indra walked out in an irritated fashion.

Lexa then let her eyes fall to Clarke, "What was so important that you caused my second to become so flustered?"

Clarke let a noise come from her throat that showed her disbelief and frustration with the commander's attitude and regard. The blonde shook her head and turned to leave instead.

Lexa proceeded to turn around and reface the table.

The sky girl stopped and forced herself back around in the direction of the commander and muttered, "Oh what the hell."

Everything after that happened so quickly.

She briskly walked over to Lexa and grabbed her by the shoulders, flipping the girl completely around to face her.

Clarke saw the face the commander made which meant that turning her so quickly probably caused her pain. A whimper escaped from her mouth.

Before Lexa could say anything, Clarke took action. She quickly placed one hand on the commander's neck and pushed her lips into Lexa's.

It had been so long since the last time they felt each other's soft skin brush one another's lips.

Lexa would never admit it but she was in complete disbelief as much as she was enjoying Clarke's leap of faith technique.

The one kiss seemed to last forever.

Lexa's hands eventually found their way to Clarke's hips. They pulled the blonde in closer. The brunette trying to deepen their kiss was disappointed when Clarke pulled away.

Clarke wished she could have taken a picture of Lexa's shocked face. Rather than poking fun of the surprised leader, Clarke took a step backward. She took the bottle of medicine out of her pocket and placed it on the table and looked at Lexa.

"Take this as needed for the pain and don't be stubborn about it." She turned and walked toward the door to leave and paused, "I'll be by sometime after dinner hours to look at that leg of yours commander. Carry on." And then she left.

The commander was left dumbfounded.


	7. Chapter 7

Nyko and Clarke finally assigned some other healers who were training to watch over the injured.

They escaped away from the monotony and had the opportunity to eat.

After they regained some energy and had some fresh air their lungs, the male grounder turned to the sky girl, "Why don't you step away for the night?"

"I will but I want to make sure everybody is settled and comfortable."

"Nonsense Clarke. You know I have everything under control. Most will sleep through the entire night."

She tried to reason with him, "Nyko I can't lea—"

"Clarke." He stared at her blankly. "I'm fine. Go tend to somebody who needs your aid."

She walked next to him only thinking of Lexa.

"Perhaps somebody you and I both know is in need of Clarke kom Skaikru's curative ways." He smiled down at the blonde who smirked back.

He knew something was happening between his healer friend and his commander since the alliance had formed. However, it was not his business to discuss and call out.

She pointed at him, "Fine, but let me repay you. I'll be there first thing tomorrow morning. I'll let you sleep in."

"I haven't done that in a while. You have a deal sky girl."

He placed his hand on her shoulder and left her to go about her day.

XX

Clarke gave herself sometime to clean up before deciding to head to Lexa's tent.

When she made her way to the large enclosement of the grounders' leader, Indra was standing next to the entrance at full attention.

Clarke was about to enter when something caught her attention. Indra was not making a big ordeal about entering without Lexa's request.

The blonde smirked and crossed her arms, stepping in front of the fierce warrior woman.

Indra tried not to look at Clarke.

She muttered, "Yes?"

"You're not going to try and stop me?"

"Heda informed me of your return, so if you wouldn't mind, " Now glaring at Clarke "I would rather you step out of my way so I can continue my job."

Now amused, Clarke carried herself inside giggling to herself.

Lexa was sitting on her bed with her leg propped up with that same map hanging in front of her face. She pulled it down far enough to see Clarke coming inside.

Lexa held a smirk on her own face, "I see someone is in a good enough mood to taunt my second."

Clarke tucked hair behind her ear and set a bag of medical supplies on the ground. "I couldn't help it. It was too easy."

Lexa picked the map back up to view, but Clarke walked over and pulled it from her hands.

The leader didn't protest, just bit her lip and glanced up at the blonde.

This turned Clarke on if she had to admit, but right now, Lexa's leg was more important. Clarke held out her hand to help the girl sit up with her injured leg.

Clarke spoke, "Come on Commander. Time to finally look at that leg."

Lexa gave in and placed her hand in Clarke's. She winced a little when moving to a more accessible position.

Clarke knelt down, "Did you take the medicine I left?"

Lexa nodded.

"Is it wearing off then?"

Lexa nodded once again.

Clarke began squeezing certain parts of the Commander's leg to see how far the pain stretched throughout the limb. Apart from searching the area from the wound, the blonde was impressed at how tone her leg felt.

She got to an area below the knee when she noticed the commander jolt a little and squeeze the fur bedding.

Clarke now serious, "Hey, you don't have to act tough here. I know it hurts."

The commander clearly in pain gently reached for the blonde's hand that was on her leg and ever-so-carefully removed it from the tender area. "Then yes, it does not feel pleasing."

"Well, I know despite how properly you speak, your leg hurts like a bitch."

Lexa wondering, "How did you know something was wrong? I had not told anybody about my injury and showed no signs."

"I'm a healer." Clarke was now digging through the bag she brought – bringing out a homemade cast she constructed herself in case it was a broken leg. "And I know you…" She looked at Lexa, "I can tell by your eyes."

Clarke now ready to work looked at Lexa, "Uhh, I'm going to need access to your leg." The blonde was now biting her lip, for she was nervous to come out and blatantly tell the commander to remove her pants.

The Commander without hesitation began unbuckeling her pants and trying to pull them down the best she could in her condition. "Do you mind helping me Clarke?"

The sky girl was a tad nervous, but knew what needed to be done. The gentle touch of finger tips running down Lexa's legs caused the commander to shiver.

As tone as they felt, they looked even better to Clarke's eye.

Clarke explained to the woman that putting the homemade casting on would cause some pain and discomfort. She wasn't using what her sky people did. She made this the best she could. The girl also went into detail about how it was most likely a broken leg and how this mechanism would keep her leg stiff and confined to one position so the healing process can happen.

Lexa being Lexa, gripped the bed sheet and held in any whimper of pain that wanted to come out screaming. Once again, Clarke could tell by the grounder's eyes that she was hurting…but Lexa was strong. After putting the casting on Clarke walked over to the table and grabbed the bottle of medicine she had brought earlier and poured some into a cup.

She walked back over to the leader, "Drink."

Lexa without hesitation took back the liquid.

"Clarke, thank you for your healing skills."

The blonde nodded and smirked.

"But I must ask you to not disclose any information to anyone about my injury." Before she could ask 'why' Lexa continued, "If people knew, they would panic. If I'm weak, they believe themselves to be weak. They think they are at easier risk for attack from outward, unaligned clans."

Clarke walked over and sat on the edge of the bed next to the commander, "Lexa, you are far from weak. Stubborn? Yes! But weak, not even close."

"Thank you Clarke, but unfortunately that would not change the way and thoughts of my people."

"Don't worry commander, I won't say anything. But…you are going to have to answer some questions."

Lexa nodded, "I believe you are owed some explanations."

"Ok, where do I begin?" Clarke thought until a question came, "What happened on your supply run? I've heard some of your men talk of an ambush and their impenetrable commander's actions proved heroic."

Lexa pulled her hair to one side of her neck, "When we arrived to the village, we became cautious because the people were said to be traitors. Their poor attempts of killing me verified their intentions. I ordered my men to fight…rather than flee. I finished most of the rebels off with a sword through the chest. However, they had archers prepared and began shooting at my men and I. We had no choice but to fall back. A rebel from the village was positioned in a tree and planned on assassinating me by air-attack. I drew my sword in time to stop his attempt but he landed on my leg. I had no choice but to get up and fight alongside my warriors. I returned for the ones who needed aid and saved others from near death. We will return and recapture the land, placing new generals in charge."

Clarke was astonished by the turn of events that happened to the troop. "Lexa, why didn't you tell me there would be a chance of ambush? You told me you were making a supply trip for Ton-DC."

Lexa met her eyes, "Clarke, you were ill. There was nothing you could have done even if I told you. I saved myself the breath. You were unable to walk on your own from exhaustion."

Clarke didn't argue because in her position, she couldn't do much of anything and Lexa was right.

"And now I know you didn't want to appear weak to people, which I will assume is why for the crabby attitude earlier?"

Lexa nodded slowly and sighed, "I'm sorry about that Clarke." She raised her head and looked off into the distance, "I can't let word like that get out. Also I am unhappy with my plan at the village when we were attacked. We lost supplies that were brought and I cannot afford to lose any more men. The pain in my leg also caused me aggravation."

"It will be fine. Your people have survived this long for a reason Lexa. They don't have a chump for Commander. You know what you're doing."

Lexa let a proud little smirk escape from her mouth. "Can I ask you something now Clarke?"

"Take your best shot."

"You kissed me before."

Clarke's face turned the brightest shade of pink. She did not think the Commander would be ballsy enough to bring it up. Her mouth fell open and she was once again fumbling over her words, "Well – Well…Uhh, Yeah. You umm, you are so stubb—"

Lexa cut her off by leaning in and placing a gentle kiss on the blonde's lips.

Clarke pulled away searching for breath. She now knows how Lexa felt earlier. But it didn't take her long to collect herself and grab the Commander by both sides of her face and pull her in to a deep kiss.

Lexa let a groan escape from her lips. Now entangling her hands in Clarke's hair, she was increasing the heat and passion of the kiss.

Clarke pulled Lexa in closer to her. The girls tried fighting the impending need for air, but eventually had to come up some time. They laid each other's foreheads on one another's and breathed slowly.

Lastly, Clarke lifted the commander's chin, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek. "You are going to be sleepy with the dose of medicine I gave you."

Lexa grabbed Clarke's hand and began playing with her thumb. "I knew I started to feel light-headed but I assumed it was from kissing you."

Clarke laughed, "I heard I give off that effect sometimes." She kissed Lexa lightly once more. "You should get some rest and stay off your leg." Clarke began to move but Lexa pulled her back into a sitting position.

"Thank you again for your help." Lexa sounded so sincere and thankful.

Clarke smiled and grabbed her hand, "Anytime commander."

Clarke once again grabbed her things and made a quick exit.


	8. Chapter 8

The morning came sooner than Clarke wanted, but she could not complain for the wonderful sleep she was allowed. The sunrise warmed off the frigid temperatures of the night, but it was still going to remain cold.

Clarke made her way to Ton-DC's medical tent to relieve Nyko.

He turned to greet her entrance, "Sky girl, I trust you slept well?"

She smiled, "I did thank you. Now are you ready for your long needed rest?"

"Actually, I got a little sleep throughout the night. These 'trainees,' as you call them, are catching on quick. Don't be afraid to let them take over for a while."

"As long as they are learning. Perhaps I'll take an early lunch and let them handle everything here. But as for now, you need to go and take a nap."

He bowed his head and didn't stick around any longer.

As for the rest of Clarke's morning, she was busy. She was left to cleaning and rebandaging wounds, medicating the ones in pain, and making sure they weren't catching any infections.

XX

Lexa's morning proved to be a little more hectic.

Lexa, Indra, and Abner, with the Commander's other high ranked generals, all met in the war tent.

They were planning different ways to recapture the village that ambushed the Commander and her men.

Lexa, took the medicine Clarke had given her secretly while no one was looking, and began feeling a bit woozy. The pain from her broken leg didn't linger around, but the impact the drugs had on her made her nervous.

Rather than standing up at the table and arguing inventive ways to flank the village, Lexa sat calmly in her chair, trying to listen to her generals' ideas.

When they decided to take a break because arguments started to disperse around the table, Indra walked over to Lexa who was still quietly sitting there, overlooking plans written down on paper.

Indra looked around the room to make sure everybody had been gone. "Heda?"

Lexa looked up.

"Forgive me for intruding but…are you feeling well?"

Lexa, feeling great from the drugs she was on, tried to answer well enough, "Indra I am fine. Just growing tiresome of the arguments. Perhaps I too need a break and some fresh air. Tell the rest we will reconvene at noon."

Lexa made her way out of the war tent. You would never be able to tell that she had a broken leg. She walked as if she felt 100% fine thanks to the drugs and cast that the blonde had created.

After about five minutes of walking through Ton-DC, she finally made her way down to the medical tent, she stormed right in, knocking into a table with metal bowls and supplies for the injured. As they hit the ground a clamor rang out inside the enclosed space.

Clarke was standing right behind her unnoticed. She went to bend down to clean up the mess but heard Clarke's voice.

The blonde, a little shocked and somewhat amused from the clumsiness, called from behind, "Uhh, Lexa?"

Lexa stumbled around to see who called her name. When she saw it was Clarke she smiled and said, "Hi."

Clarke smirked back, "Hi."

Lexa seeming a bit anxious, "Do you think I can talk to you for a minute?"

Clarke grabbed the commander's hand to lead them to a private area, "This way commander."

XX

When they were finally away from everybody's eye, Clarke sat Lexa down into a chair to get her off of her leg. She bent down in front of her to get a better look at the brunette.

"How are you feeling Lexa?" Now opening her eyes to check for dilation. Clarke noticed they looked glossed over and faded.

Lexa mumbled, "I feel strange." She squirmed back in the chair. "How are you?"

Clarke couldn't help but smile and grab the girl's hand to bring her forward, "I'm good, but I'm going to need you sit up straight and forward okay?"

She felt like she was dealing with a little kid. It entertained her compared to the boring morning she had just dealt with.

Noticing Lexa's slumped physique, the blonde asked, "Lexa are you feeling any pain today in your leg?"

The commander shook her head, "Nope. I feel like I could lead all my troops into battle and sweep across every land!"

Clarke began to touch the area where the bone was broke.

Lexa didn't flinch or move a muscle.

The blonde stood up, pulled a chair over close to where Lexa had been sitting, and sat down next to the commander.

"Alright Commander, you appear to be a little high. You must have taken too much of the medicine I brought you."

Lexa furrowed her brow.

"I hope you don't have anything planned for the next couple hours because I can't see you focusing well, feeling as good as you seem. I should have given you something less effective so you could carry on throughout the day….Oh god if Indra ever knew what I gave you she would have my head."

"Clarke I have a meeting."

The blonde now worried ran her hands down her face, "Lexa…"

The commander went to stand up on her feet and swayed trying to catch her balance. She felt awfully light headed and extremely tired. Clarke grabbed her and sat her back down.

Without saying anything, the blonde just gave her a look that pleaded Lexa to reconsider.

Letting out a deep sigh, "It seems as if you're right. I am in no condition to argue battle plans. If you can accompany me to my tent, I can cancel the meeting, even though we have no more time to waste."

"You want me to come with you?"

"Well surely you don't want me to fall and break my other leg now do you sky girl?" She gave a cunning grin.

Clarke bit her lip, "Of course not commander. Come on."

XX

When they arrived at the commander's tent, Clarke advised Lexa to get some rest and made sure she lied comfortably in her bed of furs.

The medicine made the commander drift off into a deep sleep, for the time being.

Clarke was working diligently on crafting a homemade crutch for Lexa to lean on while her leg was to be healing. She allowed her eyes to travel to the sleeping brunette. This was the most peaceful she had ever seen the fierce leader. Her breath was deep and heavy.

The sight of Lexa allowed Clarke to consider her current time with the grounders. There was so much she wanted to still say, but could not. She didn't want to live her life with a grudge on her back. The weight was too heavy to carry. If she were to continue to reprimand Lexa for all the choices she made, she would have to lecture herself as well.

If anything, Clarke realized Lexa's actions had foreshadowed the difficult choices she would have to make. It prepared her. And now, Lexa was helping her deal with the guilt that followed as a consequence. But, the sleeping commander was oblivious to how much she was helping, even though she felt like she was a burden to the sky princess.

Clarke got lost in the slow descent of Lexa's chest relieving her body of air, and then watching it rise again. It was peaceful.

That moment was to end. And it did.

Indra walked in, "Heda! I was informed you canceled our meeting!"

Lexa didn't move nor did she open her eyes. Clarke stopped what she was doing and placed the almost finished crutch on the floor.

"Indra." Looking for words Clarke didn't know how to handle the situation. She blurted out, "Can I help you with something?"

The fierce warrior woman slowly turned her head to face Clarke and squinted her eyes to seem stern. "I don't need help from anyone, especially one kom Skaikru." She began walking toward the Commanders bed.

Clarke stepped in front of her, "What do you think you're doing?"

"Waking the Commander."

Clarke crossed her arms, "Do you think that is really necessary? Besides aren't you not supposed to question the commander?" The blonde tried to ask with some integrity.

Indra now looked like her blood was boiling but remembered Lexa ordering her to not hurt Clarke. She exposed her teeth like an animal at the blonde and gripped the dagger that was attached to her hip. "You are not my commander. Do not question my intentions or my allegiance."

If Clarke had to come clean, she was a tad fearful of the warrior before her.

Indra looked at the commander and decided to not wake her. Her gaze fell back onto Clarke, "If I find out that you had something to do with heda's decision…." She let the sky girl imagine what would happen.

"Do not be her demise, for that will lead to the destruction of all." Indra turned and stormed out of the tent.

Clarke didn't move. Trying to recover from their encounter she walked over to where the crutch was and picked it up, leaning it on a table.

She thought to herself, _"Her demise? I don't want to do be the cause of that. If she falls….they all fall?"_

Clarke was taken back but her thoughts were short lived.

"I must admit sky girl, when it comes to Indra you show no sign of fear."

The blonde turned around to see Lexa grinning and her eyes well awake. "I'm glad it looks that way but she is scary up close….I see you're awake." Clarke walked over to the bed and sat on the edge. "Thanks for the help with Indra."

Lexa was now sitting up to eye-level with the blonde. "Help? You held your grown well Clarke."

Clarke shook her head at the praise, "Oh yeah…real well." She looked at the commander, "How are you feeling?"

"I feel like I am no longer flying and finally back on the ground."

Clarke giggled at the commander's figure of speech, "Well that is good news." She now stood up walking over to the crutch she was crafting and brought it over to Lexa. "I don't expect the tough, impenetrable commander to carry this around Ton-DC with her for all to see, but when you are alone, please allow this to give you some support."

She helped Lexa stand up and tucked it underneath her arm to lean on.

The brunette getting used to the steadiness, "Clarke this is a clever contraption. Thank you."

The sky girl nodded, "We used them back on the arc. It will relieve some pressure off your leg. Also..." she pulled another bottle of medicine out of her pocket.

Lexa quickly spoke, "Forgive me Clarke, but I think I should keep away from such powerful medicine."

Clarke grabbed her hand to reassure, "Don't worry Lexa. This isn't as potent and won't cause you to feel all the affects you experienced today. The first vile I gave you the other day should be taken before bed. It will help you sleep through the pain. This," she held the new bottle up, "is so you can manage throughout the day. It won't make you sleepy or feel light-headed."

Lexa hesitated but eventually took the bottle from the girl.

"I can't thank you enough for your help."

They held each other's gaze. Lexa moved closer to kiss the blonde, but Clarke pulled back.

Lexa was confused at the girl's withdrawal.

"Did I do something?" Then Lexa remembered to three months ago, "Oh forgive me, I should not have forgotten that you aren't ready for something such as this."

Clarke now looking for an excuse, "No. It's not that. I'm just tired is all. Plus my mind is elsewhere and I probably should return to the medical tent. I've been here for a while now. If you would excuse me."

Lexa watched as Clarke hurried from her presence. She wondered what had gone wrong.


	9. Chapter 9

Lexa and Clarke were apart for the next couple days. Clarke was now almost finished rehabilitating the wounded warriors and the commander was placing final touches on her plan to recapture the village. Lexa was also kept busy by giving orders out to her lower-ranked figures. They were preparing for their Winter Solstice celebration, which was tonight.

Truthfully, as busy as Clarke was, she could have visited Lexa, but she avoided the woman. Not because she wasn't ready to be with the commander, not because the commander did anything wrong, but because of Indra's warning.

Clarke didn't want to be the cause of Lexa's demise.

She didn't want to see anything happen to Lexa.

Ever.

That's why she easily pulled away from the kiss. She began questioning her actions, asking her self 'why.' Was it really worth being with the commander, if it meant that she would be hurt in the end?

Clarke didn't know if she was ready to take that risk.

Nyko and Clarke began cleaning up the medical tent for the day when Clarke asked, "Why is everybody more busy than usual today? They are decorating and setting tables."

Nyko answered, "Tonight is the Winter Solstice celebration."

Clarke stared asking for more.

"It is the night when we come together to celebrate the hard work our people had done to prepare for the winter to come."

"Ohhhh."

"You will be attending right?"

Clarke slanted her face, "I don't think so. It's for your people and everything you've done."

Nyko asked sarcastically, "And what have you been doing since your arrival? I believe you have put in much effort to have one night of celebration."

"Nyko, I—"

The man now placing a hand on her shoulder, "Sky girl…You've been inside this tent saving our people for the past two weeks. Why don't you come and sit at the table with me and your fellow healers?"

Clarke gave him a look and took into deep consideration of the chances of coming in contact with the commander. It was very possible to keep her distance and she really could use a night off to celebrate.

"Alright, if we could sit together…that would be fine." They smiled.

XX

Everybody made their way to the tent where the celebration was being held. It was huge. Many thought the roof stood as tall as the tree tops.

Inside, there was huge bonfire in the middle with a large hog roasting on top of it. Many tables circled around the fire, but a large gap was left for people to come forth and dance around.

At the back corner of the tent a long table stretched. This was the table of the commander and her generals. Everybody knew which seat was the commander's because it was large in size, compared to the others next to it. The table and chairs were lifted upon a platform that oversaw the festivities. This was so the grounders knew who to hold in high regards.

When Clarke walked in, she was surprised by the layout of the place. She made her way over to a table with Nyko, who then sat down with the other healers.

She watched as more and more grounders walked into the tent.

Clarke talked amongst the group at the table until a horn blew, quieting the crowd.

The high generals began filing in to the long table, Indra and Abner among them.

It was then when she felt her table vibrating and she heard pounding noises encircling the entire tent. When she looked around she caught the sight of the grounders, including the ones at her table, simultaneously throwing their fists down against the wood. And then, they began to chant, "Heda! Heda! Heda! Heda! Heda!" And so forth.

They did not stop until the commander made herself known. A large roar erupted from the crowd as they applauded their leader.

When she finally made her way to her seat at the head of the large table, she signaled for silence and the crowd hushed.

The commander met eyes with Clarke, who gulped and tried her best to stay unnoticed.

Lexa redirected her attention to the crowd, "Trigedakru!"

Clarke, still unfamiliar with their language asked Nyko to interpret the commander's speech.

He translated as the commander spoke, "Welcome to our Winter celebration! The cold depths of the year are upon us. You have worked and fought so fearlessly against the taste of the icy temperature already. Tonight, we honor you!"

The crowd erupted once again cheering, "Heda" over and over again.

She lifted her hand to silence them.

"Recently we had a scare from a nearby village. I will take complete fault for the spectacle."

The crowd began to yell in their language various phrases. Nyko told Clarke they were saying, "No Commander it's not your fault," "They were the traitors," and "Bless the commander!"

She silenced them once more, "Let our resilience and retaliation of such set-back be known to all! Those who pose a threat to Ton-DC and our people will be stopped!"

She let a few seconds pass before she continued, "For you and I are strong!"

They roared in agreement.

"We will not allow such threats to be notorious and succeed. We are Trigedakru! Now please, enjoy yourselves tonight! Your efforts do not go unseen. Drink, eat, celebrate, and build your enthusiasm to keep up the fight against the winter!"

They cheered as the commander took her seat. The festivity had officially started.

XX

The abundance of food and drink had filled the stomachs of the grounder people. Dancing took place around the fire and games were held at certain tables. It was hours into the celebration and by this time, the children were gone back to their huts to sleep.

The adults divulged themselves with alcoholic drinks.

Even Clarke and Nyko were feeling the many effects it had on them.

The sky girl felt Lexa's eyes on her all night, watching her every move.

The blonde made her way to around the fire to where her and another female healer she worked closely with began to dance. They paraded in circles around the flaming light, until Nyko joined them yet again with more beverages to drink.

The night went on and on up until a man named Harbin made his way to Clarke.

He began dancing around the blonde and at first she didn't mind. Lexa watched with a wary eye as the man slowly moved against drunken blonde.

When the song ended, another one began. Clarke on the other hand turned back around to her healer friends. She thought, the song was over…therefore the dance was over.

Harbin grabbed her waist and pulled her in close to him, "Come on sky girl, one dance? This is a celebration! I'm sure you can give me much more than just that." He now slid his hand down her stomach.

She gave him a look of disgust and pushed at his chest to make space between them. He stumbled back some.

Belligerent and forceful, he grabbed at arm and pulled her once again. She now elbowed him in the stomach.

Lexa now stood to her feet, and watched the incident. Before she could make an attempt to help Clarke, she saw Nyko intervene.

Nyko, now close to Harbin's face, began threatening the man and pushed him.

Harbin, knowing he was in the presence of the commander, decided not to cause a scene. He removed himself from the tent. Nobody saw him for the rest of the night.

Nyko returned to face Clarke, "You alright sky girl?"

She shook her head and hiccupped, "I'm fine but I think I'm drunk."

They were then interrupted by Abner. "Nyko, a word?"

They stepped to the side, "Heda asked if you would see to it that Clarke kom Skaikru arrived to her tent safely tonight?"

The healer nodded, "Of course." He turned to see the commander but she was now gone.

He went back to the drunken, blonde girl and offered her an arm. He escorted her back to her tent and made sure she lied down in bed. He left a glass of water near her bed side and made his exit.

If he only knew that Clarke was going to stay put like the glass of water…


	10. Chapter 10

Lexa just finished changing out of her commander uniform and into more comfortable clothing that she usually wore to bed. Balancing on the crutch Clarke made her, she leaned over the table checking the battle plans for what seemed like the one-hundredth time.

It was then when she heard shuffling behind her and she grabbed her sword that was lying on the table.

She quickly pivoted on the crutch, turning to see Clarke stumbling in.

Lexa let out a sigh of relief, for she was worried that it was either an intruder or one of her generals that might see her leaning on the crutch for her leg. The cast was easy to hide because her pant legs covered it.

She dropped the sword on the ground and met eyes with the drunken blonde, "Clarke…what are you doing here?" She watched the blonde move closer to her. "It's late and you should be in bed."

Lexa felt Clarke's finger come up to her lips to silence her.

The blonde hiccupped and turned around to sit at the foot of the commander's bed. "You were watching me all night commander." Clarke slurred.

Lexa gulped, "Clarke, you have had too much to drink."

The blonde tried to keep herself sitting up straight, "Am I wrong?"

The brunette swallowed even harder this time and now fiddling with her crutch, "You are not wrong."

Clarke now pointing out the commander's reaction, "Wow, the big bad commander is nervous. Never thought I'd see the day."

If Lexa didn't know how drunk Clarke was, she would not have allowed the mockery to ensue. She calmly spoke, "Clarke I think you sh—"

She stopped speaking when she saw the blonde walk over and place a soft kiss on her lips.

Lexa opened her eyes and looked at Clarke. The blonde placed her hand on Lexa's cheek and kissed her once again. Now sliding her tongue on the commander's bottom lip, things began to heat up. Lexa moaned and grabbed the girl's hips. Their tongues danced against one another's. Clarke pulled away and began placing kisses on the brunette's neck.

It was then when Lexa felt Clarke swaying back and forth.

Lexa pulled away. "No, not like this."

Clarke scoffed loudly and somehow made it back over to the foot of the bed and plopped herself down with no grace. She brought the palm of her hand up to her chin and leaned on it for support. "And why not? For someone as smart as yourself, you think you would take an opportunity when you see it? This is your only chance Lexa because when tomorrow comes," she motioned at the both of them with her finger, "this isn't happening. We should just go separate ways."

Lexa, using her crutch, walked over to where Clarke was sitting and sat next to her. Clarke went to kiss her again but the brunette stopped her and grabbed her hand instead. "For someone as strong and respectable as yourself, I could never take advantage of the opportunity you are giving me." She let out a deep breath, "You are under the influence of some of our strongest alcoholic drinks, so you are right. This isn't happening."

Clarke pulled her hand out of Lexa's grip.

"I'm sorry if I offended you, but you mean more to me than just one night."

The blonde's breath hitched and she turned her head. Trying to hold in her tears she muttered, "Well I'm sorry but now neither will happen."

Lexa confused placed her hand on the blonde's shoulder but took it off when Clarke flinched at the mere touch. "Clarke…I never asked you for anything. If you think I did, let me clarify that I didn't intend to." She paused for a moment and then continued, "Is there a reason why you don't want to see me after tomorrow comes? Once again, if this is my to do then—"

"Oh just stop!" Clarke now turned to face Lexa, but she let one tear fall down her face. "You heard what Indra said! I will lead to your demise, which will lead to the destruction of your people! I do not want to be responsible for that Lexa! I don't want to hurt anymore people!" Now tears came falling down effortlessly.

Lexa now realized why Clarke had kept her distance the past couple days. Indra's warning scared her. The commander wiped at the tears falling with her soft thumb and took hold of one of Clarke's hands. "Hey, listen to me. You will not be the cause of such thing. If I choose you to be mine that is my choice. I would be honored to call you mine. Indra only said those things out of spite. She believes that you will interfere with me and my duties as commander, but you are the complete opposite." She tucked strands of blonde hair behind her ear and took a tender hold of her chin. "Clarke kom Skaikru, when I look into your blue eyes…you give me the reason to fight, just as the field of butterflies gives others in the darkest times."

The sky girl couldn't believe what she was hearing. It comforted her to know just how strongly Lexa felt. She went to say something but Lexa stopped her.

The commander was now tensing up from her confession, "You don't have to say anything. Why don't you get some sleep? You will need it to fight off the pain from the alcohol. Now let's tuck you in sky girl." Lexa stood up.

Clarke shook her head followed by a hiccup, "I can't stay here." Continuing to slur her words, "Not after the way I just acted and plus this is your bed. I can't invite myself into your bed."

Lexa smiled and chuckled a little. "Clarke, are you listening to yourself? I am inviting you to sleep in my bed."

The blonde's mind began wandering and a look of worry plastered her face, "Maybe I'm in over my head, you see Lexa I'm not really sure on how to—"

Lexa stopped her again, "Clarke! That isn't what is happening. You need not to worry. You are going to sleep." She now began situating the girl to the upper part of the bed. "Just to ease your mind that we will not be spending the night together," placing fur blankets on top of Clarke, "I will be sleeping in chair."

The blonde went to protest but Lexa caught her again, "Who is the stubborn one now?" She smirked and Clarke didn't fight her words, "Go to sleep Clarke."

The sky girl rolled over and fell asleep without hesitation.

Lexa tried to find the best position to sleep in the chair. To be quite frank, there wasn't any comfortable position. There was no place to prop her broken leg up, but Clarke sleeping soundly comforted the commander.

She reached for the vile of medicine that she was to take before bed. Before she knew it, she could not keep her eyes open.


	11. Chapter 11

Clarke began to stir. She stretched slowly and then opened her eyes. At first she thought the light that shined in through the entrance gave the room a beautiful aura, but instead it just gave her a migraine. She quickly placed her hand over her eyes and turned her head.

She looked around through the cracks of her fingers and then froze. Seeing Lexa asleep in the chair put Clarke into shock. What she thought was a simple dream from the alcohol really happened last night. She jumped at the sight, causing herself to flip out of bed and squeal, "Oh my god!"

Knocking over a small table of Lexa's things as she fell off the bed, the noise that sounded caused Lexa to jump up.

Her eyes flashed open looking around for the cause. Then it all clicked, "Clarke? Was that you?"

Clarke peered up from the side of Lexa's bed.

With a look of apology from waking her up Clarke muttered, "Yeah."

Lexa grabbed her crutch and pulled herself up, "You alright?" Looking to see if she needed help.

Clarke now repositioned the table and placed the belongings back on it. She clutched the side of the bed and climbed back on to her feet. "Yeah, I'll be fine."

Lexa smirked, "Good." The room remained quiet as the commander walked over to a cabinet and she began pulling bottles out from it. Pouring different liquids in a glass, she turned back around and limped her way over to Clarke. "Drink this. It will help with the pain."

Clarke feeling awkward about the night before spoke, "Oh I'm not in pain from falling, thank you but—"

"No, the pain from the alcohol."

Now understanding, "Oh the hangover," she muttered. "Thank you," she took the glass from the commander and sipped on it, scrunching her face from its pungent taste.

Lexa poured herself a glass of water and took the medicine Clarke prescribed for her leg during the daytime. "Cheers."

Clarke giggled to herself and then decided that they needed to talk. "Lexa I think I need to explain myself."

The brunette looked up, "For what?"

"Well the way I acted…"

Lexa smiled lightly, "I don't think of you any different if that's what you are worried about. You had one to many glasses of whatever it was you were drinking. Winter celebrations got the best of you."

The blonde shook her head, "Yes but it doesn't justify the way I treated you and came onto you."

"Do you see me complaining?" She got Clarke to laugh and continued, "As long as you know that I would never take advantage of you at such a time, then you don't have to explain yourself. The alcohol does that to a person."

Clarke nodded.

Then Lexa walked slowly over to Clarke, "But I feel as if I have to stress something to you."

Clarke looked into her eyes.

"Everything that I said last night was true. If I were to choo—"

"Heda! Heda!" Indra came in shouting loudly and breathing heavily as if she had been running.

Lexa turned around and placed the crutch behind her back. "Indra what is it?"

Indra shot a questioning look to Clarke who was standing in her commander's tent early in the morning. She decided not to ask. "Heda, skaikru have arrived. They come baring guns and yelling threats if we don't prove the sky girl's here."

Clarke's mouth dropped and she turned to Lexa, "How could you?"

Lexa didn't get a chance to explain as Clarke ran out of the tent, but only to run in the sight of Bellamy and Kane. They simultaneously called her name, "Clarke!" They ran towards her.

Soon enough Abby, Octavia, Lincoln, and Raven appeared with a group of guards behind them.

They were quickly surrounded by warrior grounders with arched bows, swords and knives.

Bellamy was the first to reach Clarke. He wrapped his hands around her and picked her up. As much as she wanted to run in the opposite direction, she squeezed him tightly. She was happy to see him. Bellamy was the one who pulled the lever with her at Mount Weather. He always supported her and proved to be a good friend since the drop ship.

"I can't believe your alive." He said as he placed her back on the ground. He then corrected himself, "No I could believe that. Only Clarke Griffin would be able to survive three months on her own."

Clarke Griffin.

That was something she had not been called in a while. It was hard to hear but familiar and soothing.

The rest of her friends approached her. Quickly hugging her to make way for the one person who was worried sick…Abby.

Face to face, Clarke looked at the woman before her as her eyes welled up. "Mom.." she whimpered.

Abby held out her arms and grabbed her daughter tightly, "Oh Clarke. I thought I lost you again."

Clarke took in her mother's scent and buried herself within the embrace.

The reunion was brief.

Lexa walked out, in full commander apparel and war-paint now coated her face. To her right and left were Abner and Indra. Clarke noticed she was not carrying the crutch and walking with pride. She signaled for her archers and warriors to stand down with a swift hand signal.

Everyone stood quiet.

She boomed from the very depth of her throat, "What is the meaning of you baring guns and threatening my people?"

Bellamy held up his gun and began pointing it at Lexa. She showed no sign of fear and only tightened her jaw with aggravation.

"What is the meaning?!" He screamed. "You notify us that Clarke is in Ton-DC and then we hear nothing back?! What did you think was going to happen? Did you think we would leave her here with you? A bunch of savages!" Kane reached for Bellamy to stop him, but he jerked away and continued to raise the gun at the commander.

Finally Clarke made her way over to her raging friend and placed her hand on his arm, "Bell, calm down."

Lexa waited for him to lower his gun.

It took him a minute, but with Clarke's help, it was possible.

She then proposed, "Perhaps we can discuss this somewhere else?" She saw Abby and Kane nod in agreement. "You may bring your guards for your assurance of protection, however I have one condition."

She walked boldly over to Bellamy and glared in his eyes, "I would warn you to never threaten or point your weapon at me or my people again." He turned his head in defiance and laughed loudly. Ready to face her again and say something arrogant in return, he was met in the face with the commander's fist.

He dropped right to the ground and was knocked out easily.

She watched as Clarke moved down to his side and checked his face.

Lexa looked to her guards, "Please put him in a cell until we finish our discussion. I fear he will cause much unwanted interruption and I do not trust him among our people."

Octavia went to step forward in objection but Lincoln grabbed her by the wrist and shook his head.

Guards came and picked up Bellamy's motionless body and carried him off to a nearby holding cell.

Clarke gave a disappointing look to Lexa who completely disregarded it. She shook the pain from her hand and met eyes with Kane and Abby, "Shall we."

The commander, generals, and her many guards walked towards the war tent. The sky crew followed behind her.


	12. Chapter 12

The two different groups were now gathered all under one roof: Lexa and her finest generals and guards on one side, the sky crew on the other.

Clarke stood off to the side, not wanting to become involved in the arguments that were undeniably about to happen.

In complete commander mode Lexa sat in her throne-like chair, twisting her dagger in her hand. It was just like the first time she met Clarke. She began, "Skaikru, why is it that you think you hold the authority to force your way into my village with your weapons and make demands at my people."

Kane stepped forward to speak but Lexa continued, "Even if your rude and boisterous friend, the one you called Bellamy, managed to kill me and a few of my men with the limited amount of bullets he had, what makes you think you could take on the thousands of troops that live within these borders?"

Nobody answered her question. Once again Kane stepped forward, "Commander, you are without question right."

Raven nudged him and whispered, "Don't kiss her ass Kane! What are you doing?"

He looked down slowly and muttered, "Making sure we live through until tomorrow." Abby grabbed a hold of Raven and pulled her back.

He picked his head back up, "As I was saying, Bellamy is responsible for his own actions. We do not act with him and wish no harm to you and your people."

Indra hissed from the side, "They lie heda! Let me kill them now."

Lexa held her hand up to quiet her second, and proceeded to tilt her head in question, "Then why did you all follow his lead and carry your weapons in such aggressive stands?"

It was Abby who now walked forward, "Wouldn't you if you knew that you were in unwanted territory?"

Clarke picked her head up, ready to defend her mother. Abby had just questioned the Commander of the twelve clans, who was surrounded by all of her powerful warriors. She wouldn't think twice but to reprimand the woman, but she did the complete opposite. Lexa knew how important Abby was to Clarke. She wouldn't embarrass her in front of her own daughter.

"Chancellor, it is nice to see you again."

Abby ignored the comment and restlessly pleaded, "Commander, as chancellor, I should have ordered a more peaceful entrance and requested a meeting with you. However, since our last relations, we knew our alliance was no longer. We did not know what to expect and I could not wait around to see if what I heard was true. How could I sit around and do nothing when my daughter, who I haven't seen in months, can possibly be held captive by our former allies. We possibly thought the worst and jumped to conclusions because life on the ground has not been easy to adjust to. We weren't dealt the easiest hand. I know you don't know what it's like to be a mother, but please try and sympathize. All I wanted was my daughter."

The sky crew was relieved for Abby's way with words. She knew just the right things to say.

Even Clarke took a sigh of relief. Clarke also felt the guilt of leaving her mother to wonder if her daughter was dead or alive.

Now everyone awaited the reply of the commander.

Lexa sat quietly in her thoughts and continued to play with her dagger. She finally rested her hands and looked up, "Clarke was not forced to stay here. I was going to send a messenger to set up a meeting, but there was a turn of events that required my attention elsewhere. I will take what you have said into consideration chancellor, for I have never had bad blood with you or your rulings. You may leave in peace…this time."

Kane now joined in, "Commander, this may be too much to ask of you considering our most recent troubles just outside of the tent, but is there any chance you would allow us to set up camp here tonight? I was told that we would be expecting the first snow fall of the season this evening, and if we were given time to prepare then—"

Indra sporadically shouted, "You come in here threatening the commander and now you ask for shelter!?"

Octavia now yelling, "Says the woman who left me to die in the caves instead of fighting with me."

Indra spitting back, "How dare you, for all I taught you!"

Raven now joining, "What is it exactly that you do Indra? Just sit at the commander's side like a nice little lap dog and bark pointless comments all day?"

Lexa stood up and roared, "Em pleni!"

The room fell silent.

Lexa overlooked everybody in the room with scornful eyes, "I demand order and will not tolerate meaningless arguments when they are not needed. Octavia," looking directly at her "you know who gave the order for my troops to fall back at the mountain. Do not confuse that. Indra, as my second you should know better."

Raven let a loud snicker escape from her mouth.

Lexa then let her eyes glide gradually to the arrogant girl. "And Raven…what exactly are you contributing to this conversation? You judge others on their 'pointless comments'? Perhaps you should stop for a moment and take into consideration your own futile."

Raven's face lost the once smug grin.

"Before we were rudely interrupted, Kane, you and your people may make camp here for the night."

Indra speaking out of the corner of her mouth, "But heda—"

"However, you will keep a fairly large distance from my people. You must understand that they will not take lightly to my decision and will not trust your people with their weapons."

Kane and Abby nodded, "We understand."

Lexa continued, "I also want to indicate the most important reason for my decision." She glanced over at Clarke.

Abby asked, "My daughter?" Clarke looked up.

"Yes. She has helped my people a great deal since she came to Ton-DC. She is why I have dealt with this chaos as long as I have."

Clarke rolled her eyes. She was not happy with Lexa. She was hurt. Clarke had specifically asked her to not inform her family and friends she was here.

"Now, I have things I must tend to. I would recommend you begin setting up camp now and find wood to start a fire. The temperature drops quickly on the mountain tops."

Abby nodded, "Thank you commander." She motioned everyone to leave the room and they did. Lexa also had her generals leave the room but one guard remained at the door.

Clarke was ready to follow them but heard Lexa, "Clarke if we could have a word."

The blonde stopped for a moment but continued to walk.

"Clarke….." still walking, "Clarke!"

Lexa then motioned for the guard to stop the blonde.

The sky girl turned around in disbelief, "Really Lexa?" The guard stepped outside to give them privacy. Clarke spoke, "I'm not listening to your demands and now you're going to treat me like some ordinary grounder?"

"I was desperate to talk, something you wouldn't have let me do."

"Why should I? You did the one thing I asked you not to!" Her arms now crossed.

"You're not wrong. However, after the commotion of the last two weeks I forgot to remind my messenger to not send word to your camp. I know you asked me not to, but Clarke…believe me I forgot. I'm not perfect."

"And yet you somehow neglect the fact that you punched Bellamy in the face and placed him in holding…"

Lexa trying her best to justify herself, "You know I had to do that Clarke. What would my people think? That I openly allow outsiders to come in and point guns at their heda and have no consequences for it. They would feel inferior." Taking a minute to breathe, "You know he got off easy Clarke."

Clarke not wanting to talk about it anymore, "Lexa, I really don't want to hear this. I now have to go and figure out how to face the people who I tried so hard to stay away from."

The commander didn't fight her. She let her walk out the door.

It took a minute, but Lexa exited the tent.

She walked over to Abner who was waiting for the commander. He saw her approaching, "Heda," he bowed his head.

"Can you do something discretely for me?"

He nodded.

"Keep an eye on Clarke. Make sure she and her people stay safe. Report back to me if something changes and try to not be seen."

Abner left without another word and followed Clarke on the edge of the woods where he could not be seen.


	13. Chapter 13

The temperature was dropping rapidly over the course of the day. Clarke was at her people's camp for most of it and Abner was still keeping an eye on the blonde from a distance. He watched as she helped fix up tents and build a large fire. By this time of the day, the sky people had the opportunity to go hunt and began skinning the animals.

Clarke was hovering over the flames of the fire, feeding it more wood to consume. Bellamy began walking down the path. The guards must have released him from holding when he became conscious. She began to stand up when she heard Octavia scream his name from behind her. The young girl took off towards her brother and they met with a hug. She checked his face and looked for any other cuts, bumps, or bruises. They eventually made their way over to Clarke who also met her friend with a hug.

She mumbled, "Bell…it's good to have you back."

He placed both hands on her shoulders, "Likewise princess. Although, I should have shot the commander when I had the chance."

Clarke didn't like hearing that. She gently took a step back and let his hands fall back to his sides.

Octavia now crossing her arms, "Big brother, I'm glad to have you back…but killing the commander wouldn't have solved anything."

"What would you know?"

She looked at Clarke and then back to him, "I know that we were outnumbered."

Bellamy rolled his eyes, "It only takes one bullet to kill a commander," Clarke scrunched her face and tried to act like she didn't hear it. Octavia caught on to the uneasy posture of her blonde friend. "Look I should get Abby to look at my jaw. Let's catch up later princess." He left.

Clarke squatted by the fire and began coaxing it higher with wood.

Octavia sat down next to her. "Want to tell me what's going on?"

The blonde was poking at the embers with a stick, "What do you mean?"

"I'm talking about two seconds ago. Clarke, you seem a bit distraught….Come to think of it, you've kept your distance from most of us all day long."

Clarke forcing out the words, "I'm here aren't I?"

Octavia clasped her hands together, "Sure you're here Clarke, but you're not really…here, if you know what I mean."

The sky princess positioned herself on the log Octavia was sitting on and let her eyes fixate on the fire, never letting it leave her sight. Her eyes welled up with tears but she never let them fall. "I'm sorry you feel that way."

Octavia wasn't sure what was wrong with her friend or what was running through her head, but Octavia urged Clarke to open up. She felt frustrated with her many attempts of conversing with Clarke all day, "I don't know what we did wrong, but don't you think you should at least talk to your mother? She just got you back…we just got you back! We searched for weeks to find some sort of sign of you…and here you are playing 'House' with our traitors!"

Clarke shot a glare at the girl next to her, "You think that's what I was doing? Having a good time and running away from my responsibilities?"

Octavia stood up now, "Couldn't fool me."

Kane walked in when words began to be exchanged, "Octavia! We said we wouldn't do this!"

She snapped at him, "No Kane! She's ignored the better part of our 'rescue group' who just so happen to be her friends and family. We risked our lives walking into Ton-DC for her and now she's going to shut us out from five feet away?!"

"Enough Octavia!" He tried his best to shut her up but it was too late.

Clarke too had now risen to her feet and the tears that she tried desperately to hold back were released. "No Kane….let her talk. That's all she seems to know how to do."

Octavia scoffed, "I asked you what's wrong!"

"But you don't really listen!" Tears poured out and she tried to make sense of her words, "I didn't want to be found okay?!" Abby now at the side of Kane. "I couldn't handle looking at all of you and not seeing the hundreds of people I massacred in Mount Weather."

Bellamy appeared, "You didn't act alone Clarke. We pulled that lever together."

She shook her head and wiped tears from falling, "It was my call." Abby's eyes now were filling up with tears as she listened to her daughter speak, "You think I don't miss you? You think I want to keep my distance? You're wrong. I want nothing more than to sit here and act like everything is normal, but the things I had to do to insure your safety…the guilt kills me every day. Want to know why?" Everyone waited for her answer, "Because I would never for second make any other choice or take back what I did. I know there was no other option except letting you all die, and for that I have no regrets. I'm just left to deal with dead on my conscience."

Nobody spoke for a while. They just let her words sink in.

Octavia softly, "Clarke, I—"

Clarke shook her head to stop her, "Its fine. Nobody knew what I was dealing with until now." Now taking a deep breath and wiping her face once more, "I think I need time alone, maybe a walk.."

Bellamy stepped forward, "Clarke it's going to be dark in an hour and the snow will be falling, that's just asking for trouble."

"I'll be fine. I spent three months on my own, I think I could manage. I won't be long." She turned and walked back down the path and headed for a road that leads higher into the mountains.

Bellamy turned to group, "We aren't just going to stand here and let her walk out into a snow storm?"

Abby muttered, "Let her go…" Kane looked surprised at the mother's request. "She's a big girl and I'm afraid we are going to have to be patient with her. We don't know what she's feeling." Abby began choking on her words and walked back into her tent.

XX

Abner ready to report back to the commander began running. He made haste because he knew what was happening. He might have been keeping an eye on the sky girl but he wasn't deaf. She was hurt and when people are hurt they make irrational decisions.

The snow would be coming soon and how much was unknown. Dark would also be upon them which brings out the most foul creatures. And lastly, Clarke was heading higher into the mountains. Unquestionably she made a poor decision.

The commander was sharpening her dagger when she heard Abner announcing his entry.

"Heda, the sky girl is headed for the mountains. She took the lower road passage and headed past the old stone wall."

Lexa stopped what she was doing, "What? Why would she go there at such a time?!"

"There was an argument and misunderstanding between her and the skaikru. She was crying and left not ten minutes ago. I ran here as quick as I could."

Lexa stood up and grabbed her sword, "That isn't the safest area at night fall."

"Would you like me to continue watching her?"

Lexa draped her war robe over her and began suiting up, "Thank you but I'll take it from here. If you could fetch a horse for me now.."

Abner confused, "A horse?"

Lexa nodded, "I would prefer to ride. I would make better timing. She can't be far."

Abner waited no longer and went to get a horse from the stable.

Truthfully, Lexa's leg was hurting. She knew she could make it most of the way up the mountain, but a horse would help some. Taking her night time medicine was out of the question because it would only make her lethargic.

XX

The commander's intentions were not to disturb Clarke, only to make sure she was safe. Because the blonde was not a few tents and huts over from the commander's tonight and most likely staying with her people, Lexa kept a watchful eye and worried. She worried about wild animals, outsiders, and even grounders that might have a vendetta out for the blonde.

The horse trotted swiftly down the lower passage road and began climbing passed the old stone wall, as Abner directed. The accent up the mountain began. The wind was now howling and Lexa had to use a scarf to cover areas of her face from windburn. The cold wasn't helping and neither was the dimming of light from above.

Clarke wasn't too far from the Commander. The rough terrain of the hillside made Clarke walk slower and question her footing. The blonde sat down for a few minutes to catch her breath. She felt that she was far enough from her friends and family, even though this distance was nothing compared to the last three months. She found a nearby tree to sit and lean her back against. Keeping her hands in her pockets for warmth and tucking half her head into her coat, she peered out at the scenery before her.

Clarke took note of the barren trees. The branches hung downward, acting as if they were depleted from the cold. All the leaves from fall covered the ground, waiting to be buried by the snow. The weeds that grew up on the edges of the paths were too drooping downwards. The ground was hard and lifeless.

The blonde in that moment knew what winter was. It was a time of turmoil and hardship. It made everybody work a little harder and grow a little stronger. It was a reassurance that the end was near, death. The death of all life surrounding. Everything stands decrepit until the warm sun of spring can return and replenish the land in beauty and harvest.

It made Clarke think of Mount Weather. All the leaves that lied before her reminded her of the bodies she saw after she pulled the lever. Winter was inevitable. Death was inevitable. The blonde wiped a tear that fell down her cheek. It gave her a chill and made her see how dark it was getting. She must have been sitting for at least a half hour.

She stood up, brushing off any dirt that lingered on her behind. When she stepped out into a more clear area, readying herself to a journey back down the hillside, she heard a voice.

"Sky girl."


End file.
